This meme comes from a progressive Christian facebook group, which I’m not a member of. There are true and false items on both lists, and I wanted to provide some biblical references where I can. We’ll keep score and see which side wins in the end. The contest is between hipster Progressive team and Bible belt Nominal Christian team.

• Was Jesus white? I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time in a Mormon church recently during some homeschool events. They have pictures all over their church of the guy on the left. It is annoying when people depict Jesus as a blonde or darker blonde white guy. He was clearly Jewish. I’m sure he looked a lot more like the guy on the right. See Matthew 1, for the genealogy of Jesus and it says he’s a descendant of Abraham and David. He’s of Jewish lineage, clearly. One point for Progressive side.

• Was Jesus a Christian? This is a confusing point. Not sure what they’re going for, but it’s technically true. Christian means follower of Christ. He gave us Christiantity. Two to zip Progressives.

• Was Jesus patriotic? Not in the way we think of it with pledging to Chinese-manufactured fabric. I believe Jesus gave us the basis for theocratic anarchy–no rulers, but justice according to His law. That is the system of the Old Testament and Christ taught that as well. The greatest among you will be a servant–not some elected official that has his finger on the nuclear button (Matt 23:11). Three to zip Progressives.

• Justice through retribution or restoration? I’m not sure what they mean. The Old Testament law gives the proper punishments for various sins, including the death penalty. Jesus endorsed the death penalty for rebellious sons (Mark 7:10). The penalty for stealing was for the thief to repay his victims plus an additional amount. No point awarded to either team as they both are terrible on this point.

• Died for your sins? This one is true. (Romans 5:8: “…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”) Point for Nominal team.

• Send sinners to hell? This one is true. (Matt 23:41ff: “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”) Make it 3-2: point for Nominals.

• Condemns sinners? This one is true. See the above. God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5). He didn’t come to condemn sinners, because they’re condemned already (John 3:16-18). The Nominals win, score is tied.

• Endorses church and state? I’ve already said that Jesus was a theocratic anarchist, so He didn’t endorse the state. Did He endorse the church? The church is believers, so He endorsed that. However, I think “church” as we think of it today is apostate, and so far gone that we’d be better off without it, so I see the point of Progressives here. They take back the lead 4 to 3.

• Is Jesus a king? Not only is He a king, He’s the King of kings (Revelation 19:16). Easy point for the Nominals. Tied back up at 4.

• Upholds traditional family unit? He does, big time. He forbids homosexuality and expects husbands and wife to remain faithful. Mark 10:6-9 says, “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Another easy point for the Nominals, who take the lead for the first time at 5 to 4.

• Endorses holy war? I think the Nominals actually do believe this, as I did at one point, especially after 9/11. But, war is to be defensive as was the teaching in the Old Testament. No one can be compelled to fight in a war they don’t believe in, and there are rules for how wars can be fought. Point for the progressives. Tied back up at 5 to 5.

• The first 3 items on the historical Jesus side have been covered, and are true, and therefore go to Progressives. It’s now 8 to 5.

• Justice through restoration? I’ve covered this as well and I’m not sure exactly what they mean, but knowing progressives, they are opposed to the type of justice Jesus taught, and the Nominals are also opposed, so I’m awarding no points here.

• Killed by church and state? The church is the body of Christ, which didn’t really exist at the time of Jesus’ death, but I know what they mean. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt to them and change “church” to “organized religion”, and give the Progressives this point. He was clearly killed by the state at the insistence of the Jewish authorities. 9 to 5 Progressives.

• Friend of sinners and outcasts? Yes. Jesus came for the sick, not for the healthy (Mark 2:17). Again, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. We’re all sinners, but it’s the proud sinner who is self-righteous that God opposes. I’d say progressives fit the proud sinner description better than the Nominals. Even though this point is technically true, and is on the Historical Jesus side, it’s the Progressives who need to examine themselves on this, so I’m giving this point to the Nominals, making the score 9 to 6.

• Liberates the oppressed? Absolutely He does. He liberates us not only spiritually, but as His Kingdom grows, we have been and will continue to be liberated physically. It is those who help orphans, widows, the sick and imprisoned who will go to heaven (Matt 25:34-40). 10 to 6 Progressives.

• Critiques religious people? Yes. Matthew 23 and Revelation 2-4. Judgment begins in the house of the Lord. 11 to 6 Progressives.

• Subverts Empire? Yes. Jesus was an anarchist. The Pharisees would try to trick Him, but He would give parables that were subversive, even though not outright subversive. The Christian system will undermine empire and tyrannical government. Romans 13:3-4 is dynamite laid at the foundation of tyrannical government. 12 to 6 Progressives.

• Homeless man and child refugee? Yes. Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head (Matthew 8:20). And Matthew 2:13ff talk about Jesus’ family fleeing to Egypt. All humans ought to be able to relocate to where they are safe, and where they can best fulfill the dominion mandate. Make it 13 to 6 Progressives.

• Had half-siblings? I don’t think this is right. Did Jesus’ body have Joseph’s DNA? I don’t know. Did He have Mary’s DNA? I don’t know. But Jesus’ genealogy lists His physical father as Joseph (Matthew 1:16). I don’t think I’d call his siblings half siblings. Point for the Nominals: 13 to 7.

• Was Jesus non-violent? I’m going to give this one to the Nominals, but when you say someone is violent, you’re usually talking about a crazy person or at least out-of-control person. God is definitely not out-of-control. He sends people to hell. He sent the Israelites to kill entire cultures. And Jesus Himself overturned the tables of the money changers. But He also said whoever lives by the sword will die by the sword. As individuals, we are to be generally non-violent, but with the potential to be violent in a defensive manner. Meekness is power under control. Meekness isn’t a rejection of power or violence, but having the power and ability under control.

Final score is 13 to 8 for the Progressives. But that is just because the American church is in desperate need of help and restoration. Progressives are generally slightly worse off than Nominals, but they can definitely make some arguments against the Nominals. The problem is they don’t really believe Scripture is God’s Word, so they have serious epistemology problems.